i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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