I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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