ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
