I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
