i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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