Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
North Korea, Best Korea!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
