we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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