So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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