I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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