You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
