I'm really into asian looking animals
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
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