dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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