1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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