This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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