The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
These tits shall not be calmed
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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