craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
