I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
