i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
