there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
