I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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