RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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