Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
