No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
