it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
