we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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