This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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