Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
