Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
