You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
