We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
