u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
