Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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