my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Your cock deserves a montage
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
