you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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