first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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