Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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