Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
