The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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