a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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