dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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