So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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