You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
