Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
