it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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