when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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