Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
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But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
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I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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