Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You made out with two different species that night
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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