We won't sleep together?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
