Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
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Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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