So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
