I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
