jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
