This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
