I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
