You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
