I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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