Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
