I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
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I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
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It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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