We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
