How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
organizing the empties. That sober.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
