I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
