I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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