apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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