you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
