just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize