You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
