need another drink. this is the easiest way
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
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I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
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Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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