on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
