Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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