we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
