Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
