arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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