yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I wish my penis had an off switch
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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