i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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