her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
