i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You're like the curious george of whores
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
