M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
zippers are such a cool invention
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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