Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
